#SELFTALK

pas buka timeline di facebook melihat salah satu teman saya menulis status yang isinya kurang lebih "may i borrow your shoulder....? blablablabla....."

well, im in that situation too.. i dunno why but feel fragile. i hate this feeling. i hate being weak.. 

do you need a shoulder? yes i need.. what do you do with that shoulder? i dunno, may be just leaning on or maybe just feel my tears drop from my eyes. no... i dont ask you to be.. :) dont worry i can lean on my pillow :p 

why you look so sad darl? Just not feeling well. there is something wrong on my mind and on my heart.. 

well you can tell me, maybe you will be better after you talk to me :) i dunno im feeling blue for couple days. im not sure that im in a good mood, and i think im a bit weird.. sometimes im happy, sometimes i can handle myself, sometimes i can't, sometimes i just like "uuuummm dont worry im okay.." with the masking smile, sometimes i try to be okay and try to pretend that everything is okay, sometimes im going mad, sometimes im being so sensitive, sometimes i just like "aaaaah.. leave me alone, i dont wanna talk to you, i dont wanna meet you.." but out of the blue i just "you're so mean, why you leave me alone, huh?! don't you think about me, don't you love me blablablablabla.." yeaaah drama queen -_-

oookaaaaay.. are you in a relationship?? ummmm yeaaah maybee.. dunno -_-

why you don't know? ummm it's not clear enough

so, is he hanging you up? ummm i dunno.. maybe.. HEY I SAID THAT IT ISN'T CLEAR ENOUGH NOW, DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND UHHHH??? DON'T ASK ME ANYSAME KIND OF THAT QUESTION.. I DON'T LIKE IT!!

oo.. oo.. okaay.. don't be angry on me.. i just want to help you.. OKAAAY, IM SO SORRY, OKAY NEXT QUESTION PLEASE !

do you miss him ? eh -_- no ! i dont miss him.. :( 

are you sure ?? Yeaaaaah :(  no.. maybe... actually i miss him so bad.. really, so much.. :(

so why don't you talk to him ? i did :(

and his reaction ? he said that he missed me too. but he dont know how much i miss him. i miss our long convo, our night convo, our laugh we used to, and everything that we've done.. he is busy now.. and im trying to understand, but sometimes i can't.. :(

from all of that you've said, i think you really love him, is that true? yeaaaah i do, im in to deep -_- but i don't know, sometimes this feeling is killing me.. and it's hurt :(

why you said that it's killing you? he loves you, right?  yeah, he said "i love you so much.." to me..

so, what's the problem? many problems between us..

really? but i don't see it, maybe your subconcious mind do that, not him. i mean yourself who make the problem and make it big and you try to hide and blame him about what happened on your own mind . *silence, no answer*

why don't you answer my question?? i'm thinking.. maybe you're right, the one who deserve to be blamed is me.. im too childish.. sometimes im worry about something that hasn't happened and something that might not be happen.. sometimes im being spoiled, and ask for more attention, even though i know that he's busy.. am i selfish? yeaaah i admit it, im a selfish person.. but i'm good enough and worth enough to fight for.. hahahah

yeaaah i know, don't be sad dear, but if you want to cry.. you can cry.. you can cry on my shoulder or on your pillow if you don't have any shoulder to use.. :p ARE YOU KIDDING ME -_- IM SO SAD NOW, BUT YOU PLAY ON THIS.... !  oh yaaa, by the way, thanks for listen my "uneg-uneg" im better now... Yeah, it's okay, you can count on me, i'll help you as long as you appreciate me.. i love youuu.. i lovee youuu so muchhh taaaan....

remember tan, you're prettier than you expect, stronger than you seem, braver than you believe, better than you know, and loveworthy than you think you are.. awwww thanks dear, it helps, and mean a lot :3

.....xoxo.....